Need A Laugh? 5 Absurd Reasons Athletes Have Called In Sick
Because “the dog ate my homework” isn’t going to cut it.
If you are looking for great excuses to get you out of your holiday obligations, these are so bad that they just might work.
We’re washing our hair,
The Last Night’s Game Team
1. Nolan Ryan was one of the most feared starting pitchers in the history of baseball (MLB – Major League Baseball) but apparently, he had a soft spot for small furry animals. He decided to take in two coyote pups he found while out on his ranch. One of them bit him and he had to undergo multiple tests for rabies and subsequently missed his start. DON’T BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU
2. Fast food will get you one way or another and no one better to ask then Denver Broncos (NFL – National Football League) Brandon Marshall. He allegedly slipped on a misplaced McDonald’s bag and he sliced up his arm when he tried to catch himself. He had to undergo surgery to repair the fluke injuries. MCDONALDS BAG > BANANA PEEL
3. Former Baltimore Orioles (MLB) outfielder Marty Cordova missed a game due to severe burns he suffered from tanning bed exposure. BURNT TO A CRISP
4. Now retired basketball player and current TV analyst, Charles Barkley, missed a game after an incident involving lotion. He rubbed his eyes while at an Eric Clapton concert, had a bad reaction to the lotion on his hands and had to miss the Phoenix Suns (NBA – National Basketball Association) season opener. IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE LOSES AN EYE
5. Football commentator and retired Detroit Lions (NFL) wide receiver Nate Burleson broke his arm in a car crash where he was trying to prevent his pizza from sliding off the front seat. THE CARRYOUT DISCOUNT WASN’T WORTH IT
The Rundown: Five Hilarious Reasons To Miss a Game
Bed bugs are in the news which leads us to the five most hilarious, ridiculous and mostly painful reasons that caused an athlete to miss a game.
We’re like a circus monkey; always entertaining and sometimes cute.
This sh*t is bananas,
The Last Night’s Game Team
Five most ridiculous reasons athletes have missed games
- Next time call Papa John’s. Detroit Lions wide receiver Nate Burleson broke his arm in a car crash where he was trying to prevent pizza from sliding off the front seat.
- Burnt to a crisp. Baltimore Orioles outfielder Marty Cordova missed a game due to severe burns he suffered from tanning bed exposure.
- Giddy up. New York Yankees great Wade Boggs strained his back while putting on cowboy boots which caused him to miss games.
- Some serious rift. Detroit Tiger relief pitcher, Joel Zumaya injured wrist/forearm playing Guitar Hero, missing three playoff games.
- Arachnophobia. Baseball player Glenallen Hill had a serious fear of spiders. He woke up in panic after having a dream about spiders and fell through a glass table next to his bed.
We can’t make this stuff up.
NFL (National Football League)
- Look under the mattress. An arbitrator's ruling revealed that the NFL made a 'small' accounting mistake, not accounting for $120 million in ticket revenue over the past three years. This will increase the salary cap for each team by $1.5 million, bringing the salary cap to an estimated $155 million this upcoming season.
NBA (National Basketball Association)
- Midnight snack. Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Kyrie Irving played only nine minutes against Oklahoma City Thunder on Sunday before exiting the game with flu-like symptoms. Turns out Irving didn’t have the flu but had an encounter with bed bugs the night before at the team hotel. The team stayed at the Skirvin Hilton Hotel in Oklahoma City (mind you the hotel is also rumored to be haunted). Irving said "I got three hours [of sleep]. Just imagine how freaked out you'd be if you saw friggin' five, big-ass bed bugs just sitting on your pillow.” Amen Kyrie, amen.
For the record, after getting a good night’s sleep. Irving played on Monday and scored 30 points.
UFC (Ultimate fighting championship)
- Fight night. Injury has forced lightweight champion Rafael dos Anjos to drop out of his scheduled fight vs Connor McGregor on March 5th. McGregor is the UFC’s biggest draw and will still fight, taking on fan favorite Nate Diaz.
Soccer
- Goooooal! FIFA, the international governing authority of soccer, is set to elect a new president on Friday at 2 am (EST). Previous president Sepp Blatter was forced to resign amidst a global bribery scandal.
Overtime
- It’s safe to say that New York Knicks interim coach Kurt Rambis may not understand Twitter. Coach came under fire recently when he ‘liked’ a pornographic image from his Twitter account. Knicks have stated his account was hacked and are working with Twitter to determine who hacked the account. That’s the story and we're sticking to it.
Sideline Stat
- LSU freshman phenom and projected #1 pick in NBA draft, Ben Simmons, did not start Saturday vs Tennessee due to academic issues. Simmons sat out a whole four and a half minutes to learn his lesson. (A game is 40 minutes long).
Coaches’ Corner
- What’s the salary cap? A salary cap is a wage cap, a limit on how much a team can spend on athletes’ salaries. Teams are penalized if they spend above the determined amount. The cap was established to help even out the talent on teams so that teams with a lot of money wouldn’t have a competitive advantage and win everything.